There’s nothing you could ever do, at any point, along any of your lives, that could make you unworthy of “reunion” with yourself. No decision, no thought, no word. There is only whether you are still hurting yourself, or you are loving yourself. Do you have a genuine desire to know yourself? To be more compassionate with yourself? That is what matters. Not anything you’ve ever said or done or worried in your confusion. That would be like saying there are those who haven’t “earned” enlightenment. You always deserve your own love! The question is not, “When will you earn it?” It’s, “When will you start giving it… to you?”
(random notes from my phone, June 4, 2013)
Whenever you get down on yourself and stuck in negative thoughts, I want you to ask, out loud:
“Can you love yourself?”
Because yes, you can. You’ve fallen in love with your own soul once before, and you could certainly do it again. There’s your proof.
Remember – when you saw straight into your own pure essence, you saw that it was nothing but beautiful.
That was you. You are still exactly all of those amazing things you saw.
Fall in love all over again with your own soul. You know it’s possible. Keep the faith. :)
(from the random notes I write on my phone, September 9)
The point is not to sit around and think about how “broken” you are. First of all, you aren’t; you’re perfect and Divine, created whole, and there’s no way you can lose any part of who you are. The kingdom of “Heaven” – your own divinity – is always yours to claim and always within you. So stop right now thinking that you’re broken. STOP THAT! ;)
But also, even if you don’t believe me, you have to realize that it’s not going to help to sit around and berate yourself or put yourself purposely through some version of what you presume to be a purgative hell, because, honestly, how is this going to help you? How is this going to train your thoughts on love and joy? How is this going to help you embody higher vibrations? How is negativity supposed to attract positivity? How is self-rejection supposed to foster self-acceptance?
You can trust that you are already perfect. Nothing is broken. Healing is, after all, not about fixing “broken” qualities, but adjusting misguided perceptions about yourself. Healing is the process of shedding your illusions about who and what you truly are. And I know this sounds terrifying to you if your fear has you in too strong a grip right now, because your fear would be saying, “Oh, shit, I knew I was a waste!” But no no NO, that’s not it at all! You are much GREATER than you realize. More worthy of love, more limitless (entirely limitless), more wise, more valuable to all of creation and its unfolding. You are All That Is.
So if you recognize that you feel stuck in a negative thought loop or life pattern, don’t berate yourself for this. This is not a sign of failure. In fact, that it’s risen to your attention at all is a sign that you are capable of changing it, resolving it, so you’re in a much better position than you believe you are. Just be loving with yourself. Forgiving with yourself. Be genuinely compassionate about tending to your wounds and scrutinizing your fears. Let these speak to you; they won’t tell you how you’ve “failed” or “are failing.” They’d actually tell you unexpected marvels about your true strengths. Gifts. Beauty. And the ways in which you’ve been suppressing or denying these to yourself all the while.
Healing is not about saying “I’m broken.” Healing is about discovering your divine birthright and divine gifts.
(from the random notes on my phone, October 16)
When you’re standing by the river. Staring out over the darkened skyscrapers on the other side of the water. Just minutes from midnight under a full moon; all alone in another country; feeling every bit your solitude; wishing you had someone to cry to; letting all of the emotions finally come to the surface. And you feel gratitude and disappointment, determination and self-reproach, purposefulness and doubt, hope and hopelessness, love and pain and fear, loneliness, disillusion, amazement, healing, and peace — all at once and all in roughly equal measure. And your face is wet.
And a woman dressed in a pink sweatsuit approaches to extend you a 2¥ rose. A way of begging.
You turn, tears still on your face, to tell her, “I’m sorry, I don’t have anything.”
And she responds sweetly, “Bù yào kū, bù yào kū!”
You only understand, “Don’t —, don’t —.”
What is the meaning of “kū?”
You lift your eyes from the rose in her hand. You glimpse a gold tooth. And you see, for the first time, under her visor, the rest of her face — her features melted off in a horribly disfiguring burn. Right here is a story of pain you realize that you — if you remain as fortunate as you’ve been in your life — will probably never know, and can’t even comprehend. And while it’s hard to read the expression on her burned-away lips, her eyes are definitely smiling. With sincerest warmth and compassion.
You confess to her that you don’t know what “kū” means.
… of course you don’t — and of course she does.
She repeats the word for you as she slides a finger gently down her own, scarred cheek. “Kū.”
Then she coos again her words of comfort: “Don’t cry! …”
So the tears come all over again, this time because you’re so touched. So appreciative of this woman and her soul and her kindness. You want to reach out and hug her. Instead, you just tell her “xiè xiè’a.”
This is how you first learn the meaning of “kū.”
And you will never. Ever. Forget.
One of my friends in Shanghai is quite close to me, and we frequently get the same images, word-thoughts, and impressions when we do healing shares. What amazed me, however, was the fact that in a period of about two weeks wherein we weren’t in contact (She was really busy.), we were still getting the same “random” thoughts and impressions.
For instance, a short while ago, I had this feeling of my twin soul’s spirit hanging around me. It sort of surprised me because it was happening at random moments (e.g., when I was walking down the street), but every time his energy showed up, it made me smile. It was hard to put words to the impression that his energy gave because it was so over-the-top. Whenever his presence was there, I got the idea of this barely containable and very-closely-impending giddiness, this bursting excitement, and the energy so absolutely buzzing that it was like if you shook up a bottle of champagne and it was about to blow its cork in a big way.
That sort of energy: a wave of glee, just under the surface, about to overflow into the outer world with a decisive pop, and all at once. :)
I didn’t think much of this, just had the champagne metaphor keep coming to me whenever his spirit showed up. But when my friend and I reconnected again a few days later, I casually mentioned this to her. Her response:
"Oh, my goodness, I’m so glad you said that!"
I didn’t know what she meant, but, apparently, it turns out that she, as well, has been getting the mental image of a bottle of champagne blowing its cork. My comment made it feel less “random” to her and made it feel like less of a mental projection of the will.
Awesome, I am delighted to confirm! :)
What’s more, I’ve been dealing with a lot of waves of fear lately, intense and ridiculous anxiety. I was frustrated about being on this rollercoaster a few days ago, tired of contending with fears I recognize as irrational and needless, and I questioned where they might ever have come from — how, within the past few months, I’ve been battling anxiety for pretty much the first time ever, and why it’s been so intense. When I let myself reflect on it, I suddenly got the idea that:
This is what the energy of love does. Love is what heals. The more intense the love, the more intense the fears it will stir up, because the deeper it will reach into your being to dislodge them. It’s impossible for love to enter you without digging up and clearing out emotional debris. It might feel uncomfortable, but remind yourself that you’re releasing and dissolving fears. You’re not “broken,” and you’re not going crazy; you’re experiencing love. You’re experiencing healing. Love will do this. This is why, sometimes, love makes people scared. And why big loves can bring about a LOT of fear to be processed and released. The energy of a very big love is making its way into your life and influencing your energy field. That’s what’s doing this.
So I told my friend about this also. And — again — it turns out that, in the few weeks we hadn’t hung out or kept in touch, she had gotten pretty much the same exact idea, independently. Even though we’ve been on the same wavelength before, this has usually happened during healing sessions where our energies connected more directly. But this time, we weren’t engaged in healings with each other, and we were still getting these parallel impressions. I figured I’d share them here because, who knows, they may help someone else. :)
I’m still at the point where I doubt a lot of what I feel/hear, so it’s helpful for me to have someone else I can communicate with, and validations like this always make me feel excited. Our chat the other day was cool, and great for me, for that reason.
Here’s to the champagne! I look forward to sharing it with all of you. :)
And if you’re having anxiety, hang in there. Ask yourself where love is shining into your life lately. Remind yourself that fears are but illusions. Just keep trusting your heart.
Peace and love,
… But that’s what you do with external fears; you don’t let them affect you. You remain detached from them and centered in your heart. They are energies with a place and a purpose. It is not up to you to change them. You have no need, ever, to fight them. Just do the work of your own love. In the end, nothing can stop you from shining your light. Only you can do that.
Just keep trusting in the beauty of your dreams. You never have to push. You’re right in the center. Remove your blockages, and it can — and will — flow to you.
So much grace has come. So much grace has always been trying to pour in. I stopped fighting myself, and I stopped fighting the light in the process. I and the light are the same. Of course it would have to work that way.
The only true surrender is to love.
(personal thoughts on healing that I scribbled in my journal last night)
Okay. Somebody asked me to do a post on the “stages” of twin soul relationships. This is an interesting and a tricky question. I’ll post this in parts, because it’s incredibly long.
To be up front, while I do suspect that there’s a common trajectory for a lot of twin souls who form intimate partnerships, I don’t necessarily subscribe to a rigid set of “stages.” Why?
Well, first of all, some people who say they’ve found their twin soul report that this person is a close friend or a familial acquaintance. In this case, why would the drama of twin soul, on-again-off-again relationships even apply to them? I can’t speak to these partnerships, so I can’t really answer that question. We’ll leave them out of this post [But, of course, all can read it! :) ]
Then, there are a great many twin souls, I suspect, who meet; connect deeply; separate (with or without ever having had a formal “relationship”); don’t speak for a long time; and eventually re-encounter one another again in the future, after they’ve done the healing their initial meeting inspired; and form a life partnership. Pain of separation? That may be a factor (Or so I believe, at least one party, would be feeling it.). But the dramatic cycle of breakups and reconciliations? This wouldn’t apply to these people, since they’d only get together (or back together) once the risk of such drama was already healed.
And, of course, there are also the twin soul couples who meet, come together – and stay together. No breakups, no long and anguished silences, no searching for the same kind of love in somebody else, etc. In fact, the only individual I’ve ever known, personally, who lived a twin soul, lifelong, romantic union stayed with her from the outset. It doesn’t mean he wasn’t terrified and didn’t consider leaving; he told me he was and he did question whether to leave, at the beginning. But he worked through his fears and surrendered to the very unexpected love, and he still thanks Spirit for the fact that they had been able to spend so many years together. (His twin soul is no longer incarnate and has passed back into the realm of spirit.)
So all this said, how concretely should we adhere to the idea of “stages?” We probably don’t have to. However, “stages” offer a good framework for understanding this. Let me refer you to this video here:
This is the first – and still perhaps the only – resource I ever found on twin souls which really resonated with me and felt like it made a lot of sense all around. I can’t say I agree with every word (at least not how I understand it, but I could be misunderstanding some parts), but I very much do feel the information in this video is full of love, rather than fear, and explains things quite clearly. I won’t take credit for the information in the video, but I’m mentioning it here because I think it’s helpful for anyone, and some of what I say will be based on what Jenna says in her own video, a video which this world is very lucky to have!
I’ll summarize the seven “stages” she lists, then offer my own sense of things below. Again, these are the seven stages that JENNA CONCEPTUALIZED. Not me.
How do I see things?
Well, first of all, yes, I believe the beginning goes pretty much as the video articulates. You won’t necessarily recognize this person as your twin soul right away (or even until well after they disappear!) because the concept is just so weird, but there’s a sudden and unanticipated increase in awareness in one another’s presence. You see, simultaneously, all your own best qualities and potential, reflected in your twin, at the same time as you are brought to reflect on your own “weaknesses” and “mistakes.” Not because the twin criticizes you, just because, when you’re truly looking at yourself, you’ll see everything. Your spiritual awakening process gets a jumpstart; however, it might not feel like increased spiritual awareness, per se. Since the twins are often just at the beginning of waking up, it might feel more to them like they’re becoming more self-aware rather than spiritually aware. Realizing that their spiritual perceptions have been revolutionized takes a little more time (maybe weeks, maybe months… maybe years?).
At the point in time where the twins recognize each other, there’s a sense of bliss, a sense that your soul has found its home. They start getting inklings about their own much greater potential. Similarly, reality seems to shift; synchronicities begin making a more frequent occurrence in your life, which leads you to question your own sense of how “reality” works. The video mentions that synchronicities factor into the initial meeting; in my experience (and the experience of many, I imagine), synchronicities are a no-turning-back mainstay in your life thereafter. All factors brought together, your reality is different after “waking up” in the presence of your twin. And you will, thereafter, also know yourself on a different, deeper level. Basically, you have glimpsed your own divine essence – even if you aren’t aware of that yet. As Jenna points out, the purpose of this whole thing is to catalyze a process of greater spiritual awareness.
I’d also like to point out that I can’t be sure that both twins feel this; I would imagine that both are shaken, but perhaps it only affects one of them so deeply.
Furthermore, I believe, before you recognize that person as a soul who is special to you and recognize that a genuine bond to them exists, you simply feel like your life has changed forever; you know that you can never look at yourself or your decisions in the same way again, and you’re inspired to start living more authentically. Depending on how independent you are, by nature, the initial period after encountering your twin feels like a personal journey, rather than a romantic obsession.
EVENTUALLY, amidst all the spiritual-emotional bliss, your ego enters the scene. In my opinion, this can happen pretty much immediately and can even be concurrent with the magic that is the very first moments of awesome. (Btw, how do you like “moments of awesome” and my entirely non-technical terminology?) Your ego starts picking apart the connection you’ve been so lucky as to stumble upon. Your mind is filled with nonsense like the following examples:
Again – all fear. You can be lying there in bed with them, totally in love with the person, reawakening to your own shared divinity, reawakening to the moment of your mutual and simultaneous creation – and in the back of your mind, you’re thinking, “But, I mean, I don’t know, she has dreads and I wanted somebody with different hair…”
Or sitting there looking all love-drunk at him, debating, “Yeah, he’s way more amazing than I imagined, so I think what I’m going to do is go look for somebody else like him. Not him, no. Just somebody almost exactly the same. Yes, somebody else like him is what I am looking for. This guy is just a preview.”
Or even the PETTIEST of self-rejection criticisms: “Look at her beautiful smile! But, I mean, I don’t know, she has a crooked tooth, just like I do, and I never liked that about myself. Even though I think she’s sexy as hell… I’m not sure, how am I supposed to find somebody with a crooked tooth so captivating when I hate this feature on myself? But she’s so amazing, oh, man, this is weird…”
It’s preposterous. But when the ego starts talking, be thankful, because it’s giving itself away, and it’s giving you clues as to the nature of your illusions about love. If you sit with your ego’s criticisms of the connection, you’ll learn a lot about the preconceptions you have internalized regarding love. If you can drop these and simply let love flower where it roots, you stand to be much happier.
[Part 2 to follow. Thanks to yeahitwasworthashot for inspiring this series of posts!]
Peace and love. <3